The love between humans can be conditional and it may be ego-based. It can be based around negativity, fear, cruelty and the giving or withholding acceptance based on another person’s behaviour. It polarizes your internal thought process to believe, “I am right, and you are wrong, so I think you should see things my way.”

When you are experiencing conditional love, you can become more conscious of your own needs than others. This will often become a time when strings are attached to your love, whether it be for a partner, for children or for those around you. These strings may sound like

  • I will love you if…
  • I don’t love you when you …
  • If you would only behave in a certain way
  • Why don’t you do/think or act the same way I do

This type of love can also bring a lot of “shoulds” with it – “I (You) should exercise because then I (you) will lose weight”. There are also a lot of “have to” – “I have to do this because you need it done” – have to is feeling forced to and is not truly loving. You are not doing it out of your own goodwill, rather you are doing it out of a perceived obligation.

You may have these thoughts when things get tough and you start putting conditions on those around you, whether they are spoken out loud or just in your thoughts. These thoughts or words can often sound like you are being jealous, possessive or judgemental rather than allowing the other person to just be.

Life can become a power play as you perceive that you have authority over someone else’s life and thus can become a form of manipulation. It may also make you feel you have to buy love in many different ways, leaving you feeling empty, unhappy and frustrated.

Conditional Love can be very emotional, often causing distress to both parties and can be both selfish and hurtful, as you are coming from a place of what you want, not what is the best for the entire situation. It can also be very smothering. This is often when you become a rescuer, forcing what you believe is right for a person, instead of allowing them to find their own pathway or fight their own battles. Many of us do this thinking we are doing the right thing for the other person but in the long run, we are actually not helping them. It is better that you step away and support them with Unconditional Love, to make their own decisions

While this love can allow you to feel empathy with others, it can also mean that you absorb other’s energies, leaving your own energies depleted. If you have not yet gained an understanding of how to live totally from a place of Unconditional Love, you may not have the understanding of how to empathise with another person without absorbing their emotions. As your understanding of Unconditional Love grows, you learn how to have that empathy and to allow their feelings to remain with the other person.

Conditional love often means that you are not allowing the other person to be themselves but are rather wishing they would change to be more like yourself. This is very much a part of our third-dimension duality energy that we are moving out of and the more we recognise that we are doing this the more we turn to using the Unconditional Love. As we raise our energy vibrations more and more and move into the 4th and 5th dimensions, we realise how much easier our life flows when we live in a state of Unconditional Love.

Barbara Hand, Spirit Wings, 14.4.20